You must understand that this did not happen to me. However, it did happen to someone that I have known for many years. An individual of right upstanding morals, an exemplary sense of fair play, and an all-around good guy.

But let's give this guy a name - Allan.

Allan was one also of those fellows that caught the photography bug soon after arriving in Asmara. You might remember that the Pentax Spotmatic was the hot camera. Allan and his buddy Squirrel got the bug and their cameras at the same time.

Allan took pictures of everything. Nothing too good for this fellow. Alas, one day the slide magazines were left unsecured and hasn't been seen since.

And it came to pass that Allan and one of his bunky's in A Company (let's call him Cliff, as in Cliff Hall) had met a couple of Italian girls through the good auspices of their fellow 058, Val Zibung.

Now one of the inherent logistical problems when keeping company with an Italian girl in those days was that they all lived with their parents. And parents, being parents, resisted the idea of their daughters going out with GI's, particularly American GI's.

(I, personally, didn't understand this resistance on their part. Didn't understand it then, don't understand it now. Let's face it, if it hadn't been for us Americans, would the Italians have had access to American rock 'n roll radio? Or any kind of TV? How about the refreshing new look in designer apparel that we brought from the States?)

In fact I was told at one time that some of the Italian population was considering some type of vigilante action against the GI's, but someone pointed out that their pocketbooks would undoubtedly suffer as a result. But the muttering continued.

Back to the story -

So Cliff and Allan thought long and hard about this logistical problem. None of these girls had a place, and Cliff and Allan were living in the barracks.

Then - An Epiphany!

Why not get a little place off-post! Split the rent and running expenses, and keep each other aware of their respective schedules so as not to embarrass anyone. Great Idea!

OK, but where could such a place be found? Well, fortunately for them, a fellow 058 by the name of Squirrel had just brought his wife over from the states, and they were living in a small apartment not all that far from post. Perhaps Squirrel could inquire as to the availability of an apartment in the same building.

Wouldn't you know that there WAS an apartment available . . . . And it was right next door to Squirrel & Wife.

And, as was the custom in those days, we had keys to each other's apartments, just in case the balloon went up and stuff had to be gathered up and taken back to post.

Now Allan and Cliff had the place where they could spend some private time with their lady friends. Didn't have to be concerned about being interrupted at inopportune times, such as when they were right in the middle of a meal of "Spigola al Forno" or "Spaghetti alla Carbonara". Or perhaps when they were discussing the earlier writings of Umberto Eco.

However, one of the problems inherent in this activity was the fact that whilst cooking, those odors would become infused in the clothing of the lady. And parents, being parents, might wonder why their daughter would come home from being out with their girlfriends smelling like someone's kitchen. The obvious solution to this problem was to have another set of clothing at the apartment which could be worn whilst cooking, etc., while the clothes which were donned at home were placed in a closet; safe from all odors.

As this was Allan's solution, it was incumbent upon him to obtain the "apartment apparel". He thought long and hard about the proper solution. The garments had to be practical, yet un-confining. And they had to be fashionable, and comfortable. And as Cliff had bailout of the "split the costs" arrangement, discretionary income was somewhat less than originally planned, so the garments had to be inexpensive.

Now Allan's lady friend was of typical Italian coloring - very dark brown (almost black) hair, and that Mediterranean golden skin. And Italian ladies are notoriously fashion conscious - clothing color and design are of utmost import - so Allan had to show his fashion sense as well.

"So," you are saying, "all this tumult for a bit of off-post pasta?"

You betcha !

And then Allan found exactly what was required. Unfortunately it required the total sum which had been budgeted for the line item. But it did meet all the requirements: Practical, un-confining, colorful, comfortable, and fashionable.

The brilliant Lime Green Negligée. It was perfect for all occasions - and the color was perfect for this lady.

Well, at this point in time, Allan was spending much more time at the apartment than in the barracks. And his camera was kept there as well. He would shoot several rolls of film before taking them to be developed. And sometimes if he couldn't pick up the developed film, his next door neighbors would pick them up for him. And he often did the same for them.

One evening, as Allan and his lady friend were approaching the door to the apartment, Squirrel's wife opened their door and said:

"Hey Allan and lady friend, I'm just on my way out, but wait a minute.. Here are some pictures I picked up for you today. See you later."

Allan handed the packages to his lady friend and proceeded to open the door to the apartment.

He said "Lady friend, why don't you open up those photos - let's see what we got."

He turned to hand up their jackets, then turned back to be practically bowled over by the most abusive verbal assault he had ever heard - worse than any received from a DI.

Now Allan's linguistic skills in the Italian language were not a university level, but he has assured me that a high skill level was not necessary.

He as told me: "You could have been from the Eastern Shore of Maryland and understood every word."

At first he didn't understand what was going on, and then he saw the photos which had been thrown on the bed. The photos were of Squirrels wife.

Squirrels wife on Allan's bed.

Squirrels wife on Allan's bed, wearing the Lime Green Negligée.

Squirrels wife on Allan's bed, wearing the Lime Green Negligée, in a variety of poses.

Squirrels wife on Allan's bed, wearing the Lime Green Negligée, in a variety of poses, with an even wider variety of degrees of "exposure".

Allan looked through the photos, under the baleful glare of his lady friend.

Then he made a very big mistake.

He laughed. He laughed long, and he laughed hard. In his mind, he saw that he had been the victim of a truly great Rat Fuck.

One that had been planned and carried out with the greatest of skill.

Why couldn't he have thought of a Rat Fuck this GREAT?

However, the Italian lady didn't see the humor. She was convinced that Allan was seeing Squirrel's wife in addition to her. No amount of explanation would convince her that it was Squirrel and his wife that had planned the whole thing. They had the keys to the apartment, and they had access to Allan's camera. Nothing could have been simpler.

I have it on good authority that even today, 30 years after the fact; the Italian lady still doesn't believe it.